You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
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All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
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There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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