i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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