my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
