You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
