2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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