Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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