My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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