sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I love having hate sex.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
