remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
