If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
