I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
