True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
