Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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