I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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