So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
