yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
