??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
