I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
