U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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