Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
