party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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