DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
