if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
