why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize