you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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