so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
