I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
