I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
