why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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