I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
