never play flip cup with pint glasses
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
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It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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