I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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