she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she peed on how many people?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
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Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
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It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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