dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
