he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
