if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I understand Curling. That high.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
