walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
