never play flip cup with pint glasses
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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