I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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