Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
