yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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