Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
