I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
