remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
