i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
