Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
