There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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