Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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