He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
