You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
