Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize