I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
