Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
