Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
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I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
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The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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