Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You are the jesus of drinking
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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