oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
