I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize