so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
