went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
