I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
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Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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