it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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