just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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