I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
