New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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