Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
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He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
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I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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