He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
