Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
