i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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