I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
