Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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