Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
