I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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