i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
