Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize