she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
