I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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