yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
