we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
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I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert