So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.