Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.