Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
