there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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