His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
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she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
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Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead