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I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?