i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
