walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
