Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
