Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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