So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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