I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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