You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
