I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
