also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
