I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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